Aging

You know you're getting old when all of the sudden you realize the actors and celebrity that you grew up admiring now play the parents (or grandparents) in movies. When I first saw There's Something About Mary, I never imagined Cameron Diaz as a mother. She put cum in her hair, for God's sake. She couldn't raise a child; she is a child.

And, yet. She's the mother of a child with cancer in the movies. I know how that makes me feel. I wonder how it makes her feel. People don't really spend time talking about these kinds of transitions--when you realize that you can't go to bed at three in the morning and get up at eight and be happy. When you can't eat whatever you want at ten and sleep through the night with no problem. Digestion changes. Your knees change. Your hip feels out of place. And then it hits you. "I never thought about my hip before I was (insert current age here).

Yet, with age comes a kind of confidence. A confidence that if I'd had when I was thirteen, would have meant a much different path for me. I didn't do things that I regret, yet there are some things I would have done if I thought I could live them or through the embarrassment. And now, I realize that I could have lived through any embarrassment because I have lived through far more.

Initiations

This morning I'm trying to get into the mindset that Gabriel Halpren suggested one finds when taking on the role of the student instead of the role of teacher. "I am water, I am water." Yes, yes, at first I thought he was a whack job--I'm not water!

But upon reflection, I realize that we need students to be water--fluid, moving, rushing at times to get to the next step, slowing down at times to roll over bumps. So, this morning, I am water in an effort to be initiated into my new job.

It's so strange to consider that a few hours away my friends are initiating someone who will teach in my room (I know, I know, it's his room now).